CHOICE - THE BIG PAYBACK

CHOICE - THE BIG PAYBACK

1990

by Ham

To begin our new "Albums" section, I figured I'd start with what could possibly be the worst rap album ever to be released on a major record label. The Big Payback by the female rapper Choice, features some of the worst rhymes delivered over music that I would swear was created by an old Casio Keyboard. However, this is just the kind of thing that we here at Project Absurd think is great.

Let's start with that album cover. Here we see Choice, who one might easily confuse for a man in drag, "doin' tha butt" in her striped shorts and dope gangsta hat. She has also obviously been stepping on the hats of fellow rappers Too Short, Eazy E, N.W.A., and The Geto Boys. This is her way of showing you that she means business, has no problem dissin' her fellow rappers, and is also demonstrating the theme of the album's title track. I also enjoy the generic cursive font used on the album cover. I guess they couldn't come up with something more clever, something that screamed "Choice!". Then, of course we have the "Parental Advisory Explicit Lyrics" label on the cover. Yes, Choice uses several expletives on all of her compositions.

Now, let's move on to some of those horrible rhymes that I mentioned earlier. Usually, when a rapper writes lyrics they try to make sure that they actually rhyme. Choice has no concern for such petty things. Even when her lyrics do rhyme, that rarely make any sense at all. I'll start with the title track, "Payback", where Choice disses many of her fellow rappers. Among some of my favorite insults are when she says Willie D "couldn't get a date with Aunt Esther" and when she noted that Too Short has a "big a*s head like a Kool-Aid jug". Here's an example of some of those rhymes that just don't rhyme, from "Payback":

Damn I'm pi*sed who the f*ck should I start with?
Eazy-E you sound just like a b*tch
You even look like one with your short fat a*s
A little make-up here and there you'd be a cute a*s f*g

I have a feeling I'll be using the asterisk a lot in this article. Anyway, she delivers these lyrics with such conviction that for a second you almost believe that they do rhyme. There's just no way "with" rhymes with "b*tch", I don't care how you pronounce it. Perhaps Choice got confused because both words end with the same letter. However, there is just no reason I can think of to try and rhyme the phrase "fat a*s" with "a*s f*g". Or am I just being too picky?

Before I confuse you with some more Choice lyrics, I'll post the back cover of the CD. After all, I only have two photos (there were no other pictures or text in the CD case) to use in this article and I have to spread them out.

Here we see Choice sitting very "lady-like", still showing how she stomped all of the hats of all of the male "gangsta rappers". I love the simplicity of both of these pictures. Plain background with Choice again showing that she means business . On the back cover we're treated to an extra prop (the chair), but it's basically the same type of picture as the front cover. Notice how the songs are listed - with two columns of songs, both numbered 1 - 5. This was obviously the cover printed for the cassette, and (once again) Choice couldn't be bothered to number the songs on the CD correctly. I would expect nothing less from the self proclaimed "Bad A*s B*tch". Choice also shows the censors where to stick it by the statement on the bottom of the back cover, "If Penthouse, Playboy, Freddy Crugar (spelled wrong), The Texas Chain Saw (Chainsaw should be one word) Massacre and Violence on TV are OK, so is this album!" Uhh, yeah! You tell 'em Choice!

Let's move on to some more Choice lyrics (ahhh, good one!). Here's one of my favorite lines from "I Got My Own":

Ain't got sh*t, don't want sh*t, don't wanna be sh*t
Cause you ain't sh*t!

I just love how she rhymes sh*t with sh*t and then again with sh*t. Brilliant!

In the song "Minute Man", Choice copies the chorus from Toni Basil's "Mickey". Yup, a bunch of guys sing the chorus, "Oh Choice you're so fine, you're so fine you blow my mind, Oh Choice!.... Oh Choice!". Also, there is a strange noise on the CD after this song ends. It's sounds like Choice punched her Casio Keyboard or something. It definitely sounds like a mistake and I'm very surprised they would leave that on the album. No, wait. Actually I'm not.

In another example of copying someone else's song, Choice does own her version of Jean Knight's "Mr. Big Stuff". Here are some more non-rhymin' lyrics from that song:

I hope she had better results
Cause you didn't do a mother f*ckin' thing for Choice

I guess I could quote awesome Choice lyrics all day, but I want to leave some things in case you want to go buy the album. I'd give an Amazon link, but the album is out of print. Upon doing a search for Choice, I found this site, which includes two songs available for download. According to some posts on that site, Choice has since become somewhat of an icon for gay men. Now, that I did not expect (although it does sort of make sense). Also, I've found out that the Choice CD is now quite rare and a copy recently sold on eBay for $100! Amazing! I own this album on CD and cassette, and her second album, Stick N Moove, on cassette. If I hold onto these for a couple more years, Choice might be buying me a new pair of shoes!

I'll end this article with another great verse from the song, "Bad A*s B*tch". This song starts with an introduction by a man stating how fly and bad Choice is, which makes the following verse sound all the more ridiculous. Every time I hear this verse it makes me giggle. I think it might even be worth the $100 on eBay just to hear Choice spit out these lyrics:

I'm Choice, one bad a*s b*tch
Now all you weak a*s hoes now hear this
I don't take no sh*t so if you plan on sh*ttin' me
You better watch your a*s cause I'm kickin'
B*tches around like a soccer ball
I won't stall like Paul on none of y'all

(Posted 7/2007)