Morton Downey Jr. Sings

MORTON DOWNEY JR. SINGS

1989

by Ham

In the 1950s and 60s Morton Downey Junior tried to follow in his father's footsteps and become a singer. After releasing a few unsuccessful albums, he decided to pursue other career choices. Fast forward to the late 1980s and Mort became the host of his own "shock" talk show, the appropriately named Morton Downey Jr. Show. Because of the success of the show, Mort decided to give singing a try again and released Morton Downey Jr. Sings on Compose Compact Discs (who?). Here's a look at the inside sleeve of the CD:

This could have been a good opportunity for Mort to record some classic cover songs from the 50s and 60s, and maybe have a moderate hit on his hands. Or, he could have tried to make the record a bit funny. You know, sing some silly songs and maybe throw some audio samples from the show on the album or something. That probably wouldn't have sold too many copies, but at least I would have enjoyed it a bit more than I did. Anyway, what Mort did release was an album full of depressing songs (aside from one track that I'll get to later) that would probably fit into the "Country" category. To give you a bit of an idea of what I'm referring to, no less than 5 people die on this album. However, Mr. Downey is not completely to blame for the depressing nature of this CD. If you look closely at the back cover (pictured below) you'll notice that someone named David Lloyd wrote nearly all of the songs on the record, and even sings lead on some of them. Yes, Morton Downey Jr. Sings was not the most honest title for this album, since someone else sings lead vocal on a couple of songs.

Let's take a closer look at these songs, shall we (thanks, Dave)?

Blue Collar King - The CD actually starts off with a track sung by David Lloyd. Not exactly the voice I was expecting to hear when I first played this CD. This song features David singing the praises of Mort, the "Blue Collar King".
Operate, Operate - The next four songs feature Mort on vocals. This one is about some money-hungry doctor who insists on operating on patients even when it isn't necessary. In the end of the song, the doctor gives a patient the "wrong kind of blood" and the patient dies. This would be Casualty #1 on this album.
Old Man - This one is about, you guessed it, an old man. This old man is harassed by "the kids" and even has rocks thrown at him for having the audacity to be old. The old man walks in the street, gets hit by a car and dies in the gutter. No one in the neighborhood cares. They even yell, "It's just some old man", when they see who got hit. I don't know where Mort (oh, that's right... I mean David) got the inspiration to write this song. He must've grown up in some nasty neighborhood. I don't believe I've ever heard of such a place where things like this happen to old people. So, for those keeping track, this would be Casualty #2.
Hey Mr. Dealer - Mort hates the "Drug pushin', slime suckin' son of a bitch" described in this song and hopes that he "dies slow". However, the drug dealer is not the one who dies in this song. See, that might be construed as being a positive ending. In this song, a child dies from a cocaine overdose. Casualty #3 for the happy MDJ album!
Mr. Yuppies Birthday Party - Mr. Yuppie has everything that life could offer, but he's still not happy. So, he kills himself. Yes, Casualty #4! This album is getting more depressing by the minute. I kept expecting R.E.M.'s "Everybody Hurts" to be a hidden bonus track or something.
Last American Hero - This song is about a former Vietnam veteran finally getting treated with respect. No one dies in the song, so Mort does not sing this one. Yup, David Lloyd is back. Ugh.
Senator Paperman - Senator Paperman is a song about a crooked Senator. Not exactly a happy topic, but it seems like a lullaby compared to the rest of the album.
Lawyer Named Sue - Mort and David Lloyd sing this song about a crooked lawyer. Follows the crooked Senator song very nicely, me thinks.
Lady Of The Night - This one is about a good girl who had some hard times and became a prostitute. At the end of the song... you'll never guess... she kills herself. All right! Casualty #5 in effect!
Solution To Pollution - This is another duet by Mort and David. No one in particular dies in this song. Well, except for the entire planet!
Zip It - Finally! A happy, stupid song for no damn reason! This song is the reason to buy this album. I can't describe it properly, so I made a slideshow of the song which includes many pictures from this very site (and a couple other ones in the chorus). So, sit back and enjoy Zip It...

Let's recap.

On the negative side, this album features a guy who died because of a doctor's mistake, an old man who gets hit by a car and dies, a child who dies of a drug overdose, two suicides, and the end of the planet Earth. On the positive side, it features the absurd genius of Zip It (a-what did he say?). So, it pretty much balances itself out, I guess.

(Posted 1/2008)